Single people, at this time of year, either travel to see family, or put up with relatively quiet holidays, friend-centered holidays, and/or long-distance contacts. Every year becomes a fine balance between keeping the wallet or keeping the guilt. I'm very grateful I do have family I enjoy seeing and spending time with. I know too many people who don't have that. This year has been very abundant in blessings for me, which helps.
For too many people, especially this year, there's a homesickness or ever-increasing sadness that easily sets in at this time of the year. Winter gloom brings with it the soul's gloom.
The answer is, of course, to have holidays. Give to others; either as volunteer, in gifts, or to charity. Reach out to others in real life, on the phone, or what not. Share laughs, frustration, sappiness. Challenge the dark with colorful light. The goal is not to chase the night away, but to appreciate the fragile brightness of life all the more.
Still, grief isn't a guest that easily tidies up and hides at the host's will, so for that reason it can be easy to feel utterly alone in one's despair at this time of year. For these who can't feel lifted above grief even briefly, they may need to plan the time to feel it, and to allow others to console them. I recommend this best-seller poem, printed in 1851: Tennyson's "In Memoriam A.H.H." a long poem broken up in many fits of grief, across many years, with Christmas passages, reflections on the past friendship.
"With trembling fingers did we weave
The holly round the Christmas hearth;
A rainy cloud possess’d the earth,
And sadly fell our Christmas-eve.
At our old pastimes in the hall
We gambol’d, making vain pretence
Of gladness, with an awful sense
Of one mute Shadow watching all.
We paused: the winds were in the beech:
We heard them sweep the winter land;
And in a circle hand-in-hand
Sat silent, looking each at each.
Then echo-like our voices rang;
We sung, tho’ every eye was dim,
A merry song we sang with him
Last year: impetuously we sang:
We ceased: a gentler feeling crept
Upon us: surely rest is meet:
‘They rest,’ we said, ‘their sleep is sweet,’
And silence follow’d, and we wept" (From Verse XXX, In Memoriam A.H.H.)
Read this poem with a bright fire, christmas lights, and other things to keep you warm. I read this poem at a cozy dorm couch by an electric fire with snow outside, and so this poem is associated with warmth for me, not just grief. It is no coincidence that this time of year we also focus on the image of the hearth-- both as a source of physical warmth (fire) as well as companiable warmth (fellowship.) Nostalgia makes us feel warmer.
Rejection and loneliness, on the other hand can make people feel physically cold. Some physical causes of lower body temperature (hypothyroidism, or Addison's disease) are also associated with depression, as well, so there is a deep mind-body connection there between feeling cold and feeling depressed. Presumably, feeling close to people makes us feel warmer because we actually remember the warmth of being with people.
Ironically, cold showers have been prescribed as a "wake up" for depressed people, presumably because the actual cold helps "reset" the body's sense of hot and cold, and makes the people scramble to get warmer.
Alcohol isn't a good idea for staying warm in cold weather, even if alcohol makes you feel temporarily warmer due to skin flushing, because it actually quickens the rate of heat loss. Some cases of moderate to severe hypothermia can lead to paradoxical undressing, as the person temporarily thinks he's too hot. Paradoxical undressing is often associated with alcohol intoxication, and increases the risk of death.
So, whether your heart is leaden or not, get acquainted with real cold, then get warm, and do your best those holidays to find the sparkle in the long nights ahead, rekindle kind memories, and share them with others. If past holidays have never been good don't be afraid to create very different traditions as a clean break. Holiday memories should evoke happy times for you. Ask friends for ideas, stories and help in creating new, happier memories at this time of year; whether it's a dinner out with friends, a good movie, travel, or other new experience.